Judge waxes poetic on inmate's pro se filing
After reading a pro se lawsuit that involved an inmate soiling his pants, an Ohio state court judge felt moved to poetry.
Darek Lathan is serving a 17-month sentence for vandalism at the Correctional Reception Center in Orient, Ohio, the Columbus Dispatch reports. According to Lathan’s complaint (PDF), he told a corrections officer that he was sick and needed to get out of a recreation line, but the request was denied. Lathan then soiled himself, his claim states, and was ridiculed by other inmates. The claim asked for $2 million in damages.
Franklin County Common Pleas Judge David E. Cain wrote the following poem as part of a Jan. 7 order (PDF) dismissing Lathan’s case with prejudice:
“Cold showers caused his bowels to malfunction
Or so the plaintiff claims
A strict uncaring prison guard
Is whom the plaintiff blames.
“While in line for recreation
And little time for hesitation
His anal sphincter just exploded
The plaintiff’s britches quickly loaded.
“It made the inmates laugh and play
To see the plaintiff’s pants this way
The foul, unsightly, putrid mess
Caused the plaintiff major stress.
“Claiming loss and shame to boot
The plaintiff filed the present suit
But the law provideth no relief
From such unmitigated grief.
“Neither runs nor constipation
Can justify this litigation
Whether bowels constrict or flex
De minimus non curat lex.”
“You know, if he is going to file something that frivolous, he can’t expect me to be too judicious in how I respond. He can’t expect me to take it seriously,” Cain said in an interview with the Dispatch. He told the newspaper that the court’s age restrictions will soon prevent him from seeking re-election.
“I only have three years to go,” Cain said. “If there’s anything I want to do, I better get about doing it. I just wanted to have some fun.”
