Judge Advises Colonoscopy-Averse Lawyers to ‘Get Over It’
A judge says he dreaded his first colonoscopy with the same kind of trepidation reserved for requests for a tax audit and scary parts of the movie Alien.
“I’m not talking here about your basic, ordinary garden-variety bar exam dread,” writes Judge William Bedsworth of the California Court of Appeal in a humor column published in the Recorder (sub. req.). “I’m talking about full-on, under the theater seat with your eyes closed, screaming at Sigourney Weaver not to open that airlock because the scariest monster in the history of the universe is on the other side.”
Bedsworth didn’t relish the prep procedure, which required him to sleep on the bathroom floor after taking pills and drinking Gatorade. Bedsworth’s editors urged him to spare the details. He did say, however, that the Amazing Fantastic Intestinal Cleaning Solution was so powerful it “somehow sucked into and through my lower tract a collection of unswallowed objects that included my wedding ring, two marbles, and an old Eddie Mathews baseball card I hadn’t seen in years.”
But the procedure itself was painless, Bedsworth writes. Really. “This is a no-brainer. The only way you can screw this up—the only way it can hurt you—is if you don’t do it.”
