How to deal with a boss who doesn't like you
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You think your work is good and your ideas have merit. But your boss appears distant, strained or critical. In fact, the boss appears to genuinely dislike you. How should you handle the situation?
The Harvard Business Review blog offers some tips in a post by Liane Davey, vice president of team solutions at Knightsbridge Human Capital and co-author of Leadership Solutions: The Pathway to Bridge the Leadership Gap.
For starters, confide in a co-worker to gauge if you are correct that your boss appears to personally dislike you, Davey advises. Possibly the boss is just generally stressed and short with workers. If it is, indeed, a clash between you and your boss, the next step is to figure out the cause of the problem. The blog offers four possible scenarios, including these:
• Your boss is insecure. The boss appears friendly when things are going well but appears angry, hostile and defensive when you do or say something that hits a raw nerve. “The most successful tactic is often to give your manager a share of your success and your confidence,” the blog says. Give the boss credit for providing a solution to a problem and ask questions in a deferential way, such as, “Help me understand …” or, “How should I be thinking about this?”
• A boss doesn’t relate to you, possibly because of a generational gap. A younger boss may not understand your need to be home for family responsibilities or an older boss may not understand how you can possibly work while listening to music. According to the blog, telltale signs the boss doesn’t relate include “use of examples and metaphors that mean nothing to you; sarcasm and one-liners that are more personal in nature; and a lack of informal connection in the hallways or after hours.” The blog suggests asking questions such as, “How would you look at this situation?” and, “What experiences have you had that shape your thinking here?” Eventually as rapport is built you can ask questions about activities and interests outside work in an effort to find some common ground.
Other situations covered in the blog post are a boss who doesn’t like you because he thinks you are incompetent (you shouldn’t send clues that you are clueless, and you should get the training you need), and a boss who doesn’t like you because your personality style doesn’t mesh with his (try adjusting your communications style).
Hat tip to the Legal Skills Prof Blog and @BurgerLibrary.
